Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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