the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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