I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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