I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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