He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You are the jesus of drinking
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
