woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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