Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
