Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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