Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
