Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
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He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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