dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
