Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
A bitchslap is in order.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
