Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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