The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
