dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
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