and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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