Where is the hickey?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
