We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
