When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
