he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
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Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
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Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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