After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
