listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
