you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
