I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
