Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
