you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
