if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
