Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
