when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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