I'm going to rape someone's good day.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize