I seem to have left my pride at pride
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
