if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
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I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
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I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
His nipple licking is glorious
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