At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
