as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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