my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
