Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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