whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
