ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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