i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
