this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
