I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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