my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
