And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
