I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
