I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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