Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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