For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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