how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
