she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I wish I only lived at night.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
