it wasn't lemon gatorade
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
