I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
