My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize