sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
