There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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