kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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