Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
