he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
