She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
