Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
