You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
