he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
