Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize