dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
