I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Bring me that man meat
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
