it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
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I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
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I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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