Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
