Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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