Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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