I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
