He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
