Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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