I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
