Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
