I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
