Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
