i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
