I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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